адекват дьявола
Я щас кончусь тут где-нибудь от ржача.
Английская вики о русских анекдотах... ыыы...
Наши анекдоты истерично смотрятся на английском, кстати)))
Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, two submarines, Soviet and American, come to the surface. The Soviet one is old and rusty; the American one is new and shiny. On the Soviet one, the crew lounges about without any order, and a drunken captain yells at them: "Who threw a valenok (traditional Russian winter footwear made of felt) on the control board? I'm asking you, who threw a valenok on the control board?!". From the American submarine, a shaved, sober and well-dressed captain, notes sarcastically: "You know, folks, in America...". The Russian captain interrupts him, screaming: "America? America??! There is none of your fucking America anymore!" (Turns back to the crew) "Who threw a valenok onto the control board?!"
A plane takes off from the Tbilisi airport in Georgia. A passenger storms the pilot's cabin, waving an AK-47 rifle and demanding that the flight be diverted to Israel. The pilot shrugs OK, but suddenly the hijacker's head falls off his shoulders, and a Georgian pops from behind with a blood-drenched dagger, and a huge suitcase: "Lisssn here genatsvale: no any Israel-Misrael; fly Moscow nonstop — my roses are fading!"
A missile silo officer falls asleep during his watch, with his face on the control board and hits the "red button". As the colonel comes in, the officer snaps up and proudly reports: "Nothing to report during my watch, comrade Colonel". "Nothing to report, you say? Nothing to report?! Then where the hell is Belgium?!!"
Ну и просто истерика... научная такая истерика...)))
As an ultimate joke in this series, the goal is to apply such substitution to as many words of a sentence as possible while keeping it meaningful. The following dialog at a construction site between a foreman and a worker retains a clear meaning even with all of its 14 words being derived from the single obscene word khuy. Russian language proficiency is needed to understand this.
Word-by-word:
— Ohuyeli?! (Have [you] gone mad?!) Nahuya (why) dohuya (so much) huyni (of stuff) nahuyarili (you have loaded up)? Rashuyarivay (unload [it]) nahuy! (out of here)
— Huli?! (What's the problem?) Nihuya! (No way!) Nehuy (No need) rashuyarivat (to unload)! Nahuyacheno ([It] got loaded) nehuyovo! (quite well)! Pohuyarili! (Let's go)
Possible, but incomplete translation:
— Fuckheads, why the fuck did you load so much of this shit? Unload it the fuck away from here!
— What's the fucking problem?! Fuck no! No need to unload! It got loaded alright! Let's fucking go!
After this example one may readily believe the following semi-apocryphal story. An inspection was expected at a Soviet plant to award it the Quality Mark, so the administration prohibited the usage of mat. On the next day the productivity dropped abruptly. People's Control figured out the reason: miscommunication. It turned out that workers knew all the tools and parts only by their mat-based names: huyovina, pizdyulina, huynyushka, huyatina, etc. (all of these are loosely translated as "thing"); the same went for technological processes: othuyachit (to detach, cut, disconnect), zayebenit (to push through, force into), prihuyachit (to attach, connect, bond, nail), huynut (to move slightly, throw, pour), zahuyarit (to throw far away, to put in deeply) etc.
Плачу, просто плачу...)))
Английская вики о русских анекдотах... ыыы...
Наши анекдоты истерично смотрятся на английском, кстати)))
Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, two submarines, Soviet and American, come to the surface. The Soviet one is old and rusty; the American one is new and shiny. On the Soviet one, the crew lounges about without any order, and a drunken captain yells at them: "Who threw a valenok (traditional Russian winter footwear made of felt) on the control board? I'm asking you, who threw a valenok on the control board?!". From the American submarine, a shaved, sober and well-dressed captain, notes sarcastically: "You know, folks, in America...". The Russian captain interrupts him, screaming: "America? America??! There is none of your fucking America anymore!" (Turns back to the crew) "Who threw a valenok onto the control board?!"
A plane takes off from the Tbilisi airport in Georgia. A passenger storms the pilot's cabin, waving an AK-47 rifle and demanding that the flight be diverted to Israel. The pilot shrugs OK, but suddenly the hijacker's head falls off his shoulders, and a Georgian pops from behind with a blood-drenched dagger, and a huge suitcase: "Lisssn here genatsvale: no any Israel-Misrael; fly Moscow nonstop — my roses are fading!"
A missile silo officer falls asleep during his watch, with his face on the control board and hits the "red button". As the colonel comes in, the officer snaps up and proudly reports: "Nothing to report during my watch, comrade Colonel". "Nothing to report, you say? Nothing to report?! Then where the hell is Belgium?!!"
Ну и просто истерика... научная такая истерика...)))
As an ultimate joke in this series, the goal is to apply such substitution to as many words of a sentence as possible while keeping it meaningful. The following dialog at a construction site between a foreman and a worker retains a clear meaning even with all of its 14 words being derived from the single obscene word khuy. Russian language proficiency is needed to understand this.
Word-by-word:
— Ohuyeli?! (Have [you] gone mad?!) Nahuya (why) dohuya (so much) huyni (of stuff) nahuyarili (you have loaded up)? Rashuyarivay (unload [it]) nahuy! (out of here)
— Huli?! (What's the problem?) Nihuya! (No way!) Nehuy (No need) rashuyarivat (to unload)! Nahuyacheno ([It] got loaded) nehuyovo! (quite well)! Pohuyarili! (Let's go)
Possible, but incomplete translation:
— Fuckheads, why the fuck did you load so much of this shit? Unload it the fuck away from here!
— What's the fucking problem?! Fuck no! No need to unload! It got loaded alright! Let's fucking go!
After this example one may readily believe the following semi-apocryphal story. An inspection was expected at a Soviet plant to award it the Quality Mark, so the administration prohibited the usage of mat. On the next day the productivity dropped abruptly. People's Control figured out the reason: miscommunication. It turned out that workers knew all the tools and parts only by their mat-based names: huyovina, pizdyulina, huynyushka, huyatina, etc. (all of these are loosely translated as "thing"); the same went for technological processes: othuyachit (to detach, cut, disconnect), zayebenit (to push through, force into), prihuyachit (to attach, connect, bond, nail), huynut (to move slightly, throw, pour), zahuyarit (to throw far away, to put in deeply) etc.
Плачу, просто плачу...)))
-
-
04.02.2011 в 22:42Ой, блин, про "Nahui" сразу вспонилось классическое - Да нет, наверное.. - которое я пытался объяснить канадцу))
А нынешняя моя ученица-норвежка просит меня "не учить ее ругательным словам" - блиин, я в прострации, куда ж без них-то)
-
-
04.02.2011 в 22:59Как старались пояснить и перевести!
Но, кажется, анекдот по лучше/хуже даже с пояснениями в скобочках иностранцы не поймут.
-
-
05.02.2011 в 01:06